John and Josie were throwing a party
They were leaving their quaint country shack,
Moving down the road in Coolongolook
And they knew they would never look back.
They advertised it in The Wanderer,
Did do without any delay.
Because, they said whats a party
without our friends from the CMCA
They asked everyone to dress the part,
This do would be one of the best
With sauerkraut and German beer
And theyd call it Oktoberfest.
Josie said Ill do the cooking,
And arrange for the beers and the wines
And only because John insisted
She allowed him to take care of the signs.
These signs would be placed on the highway
And no matter how much they cost
They agreed that signs were essential
So none of their friends would get lost.
They would need to be large to be noticed
Probably one metre square
Some would say youre getting close
And others youre nearly there.
As their house was set back from the highway
And possibly quite hard to find
John determined how many ks
And had these measurements clearly defined.
He measured the distance precisely
From the north to the u turn bay,
And from the south in Coolongolook
Then got the ball rolling right away.
The advertisements went in the papers
And so as to not disappoint
Everyone would know how to get there
Right down to the decimal point.
For the gaps between two given places
Were 3.3 and 3.8 kilometres
but what would happen Johnno thought
If some vehicles had faulty speedometers.
If the speedo was out by a fraction
His friends would end up in the quarry
And because they would never find the place
John and Josie would be truly sorry.
As the quarrys entrance was close to theirs
John made up another huge sign
Which he placed out on the highway
Thinking everything would be fine.
But signs can be ambiguous
When Josie thinks of it now, she cringes
Because some thieving lowdown scoundrels
Took their front gate off its hinges.
Why ever would anyone take it
Sobbed Josie why on earth would anyone shift it
It was twelve foot long, and made of steel
It would take ten strong men just to lift it.
They could not believe what had happened
This terrible gate taking theft
Until Josie looked at the sign John had made
Please take the next gate on the left